Nadel recommends five strategies:
Believe your child
“More often than not, parents accidentally try to convince their child into or out of an experience they are having,” she says.
For example, instead of dismissing your child’s protests for going to the playground, something they might usually love, instead, she recommends, acknowledging their feelings about being hesitant to engage in the activity and letting them know you’ll wait with them until they feel ready.
Another example, is dismissing your child’s feelings when they don’t believe they are as good at something than their peers.
For example, when they say, “James is a faster runner than me,” instead of saying, “No, that’s not true,” validate their perception and feelings.
This helps children be comfortable with who they are, even when they aren’t the best.
Talk about emotions
“If confidence comes from self-trust, and self-trust comes from tuning into your own emotions, then we can build confidence in children by respecting and inquiring about feelings,” Nadel explains.
If your child is hesitant to share their feelings, she recommends sharing your own personal story of something frustrating or upsetting.
This will help to neutralise some of the shame that can come with discussing internal sensations.
Focus on process over product
“When parents spend time in a growth mindset with their child, they communicate that the arc of problem solving is more important than the outcome of any one specific issue,” Nadel says.
Instead of focusing on the final product, like a child tying their own shoelace, she recommends parents focus on their child’s internal experience, like, “I see how hard you’re trying”.
She says this builds a child’s confidence in their ability to get through something tough.
Inside stuff versus Outside stuff
“Self-confidence comes from the belief that who you are on the inside is good and valuable,” explains Nadel.
“Emphasising what you see inside your child as opposed to valuing what’s outside of them communicates this.”
Instead of focusing on things like being the best reader in the class or the child who scored the most goals, aim to focus on things like kindness, positive attitude or good sportsmanship.
Valuing those inside traits builds self-confidence.
MGI
“At Good Inside we have an acronym we use all the time: MGI. This stands for the Most Generous Interpretation,” Nadel explains.
“This strategy is key for confidence building.”
She says that whenever a child says or does something that parents wish they hadn’t, parents have a chance to reflect back on their most generous or least generous interpretation of who the child is.
“When we reflect back to our child that they are flexible, creative, empathic, sturdy and resilient children, they internalise this view of themselves.”
