Managing "silly" behaviour
Managing "silly" behaviour
I have a just turned four boy who is going threw a ‘silly’ stage and subsequently hurting his younger siblings. He is a lamb and been an absolute angel of a child but is suddenly just seeming very silly. I have to ask a 1000 times to do the most basic things and his silly behaviour is causing accidents. Like jumping around, getting in peoples faces, throwing his arms and legs around etc. I’ve tried to talk about personal space and his own strength. What else can I do? Is this a stage?
The silly stage can be very frustrating. And, it's so annoying beause you've talked to him and it hasn't worked. While there are many different approaches that you could try, it's positive to see you trying to manage this stage with gentle approaches. You aren't alone, but that doesn't help in the moment, so, here are some strategies for you to try. First, I'd ask: how are you setting limits? Remember, when they're in that moment, a child can't 'hear' our exhortations to cease and desist.
They need a limit, set firmly but gently. A script you can use is, "throwing yourself about can lead to hurts, I'm not going to let you do that". If he continues, you can repeat the script and hold his hand or leg. If that still doesn't work, you can scoop him up, hold him on your lap and say, "it looks like you're having a lot of trouble controlling your arms and legs, so, I'm going to hold you here to keep you and your [sibling/s] and me safe". This approach is a time-in. Now, he will cry. But, that's a good thing as most gentle parenting practitioners see silly/annoying behaviour as the expression of an unmet need. So, crying will help him release those feelings that make him behave that way.
It's a good idea to give him some one-on-one time too. Allow him to set the agenda for 15-30 minutes, and, regardless of how hard it is to do, give it a shot. This time will help with connection and redirect his feelings positively. It will build the bond so he's more amenable to positively interacting.
If things get dangerous, take him to a time-in until he calms down. No lecturing, no ranting, no blathering, just quietly sitting. Respond to questions, but don't lecture, it's imperative you just listen.
Other questions about this topic
Is time-out okay for kids?
I’ve always understood that time-out was a reasonable way to deal with behaviour issues. Now I’m seeing some articles suggesting that time-out has had its day. Is time-out OK and if not, what’s the alternative?
Learning to follow directions
I have a 3.5-year-old who won’t listen to anything. We both just end up getting upset. I'm concerned that she will face problems in preschool if she won’t start following directions.
Help! My child is biting other children
I’m so embarrassed but my child care provider called me in to say my two-year-old has been biting other children. I hate to think what the other parents must be thinking. What do I do?
Preparing a toddler for a new baby
My toddler isn’t happy about the arrival of our second child. How do I prepare my child for the birth a new baby?
4-yr-old throwing tantrums
I have a four year old daughter, and the tantrums are worse now than they were in the ‘terrible twos’. She seems to fluctuate from happiness to meltdown so quickly and sometimes it seems that no amount of effort from us helps. Is this normal? I thought she’d be growing out of this by now.